I Don't Work At Nob Hill?!

I was ready super early this morning and decided since I had some extra time to stop at Nob Hill and pick myself up some of my favorite bottled water (MetroMint).

Normally I don't like to go through the "Check Yourself Out" at the super markets, but in the morning and at Nob Hill, it's almost the only way to get out right away.

I've heard several comedians go on about how they don't work at the grocery store so why should they bag their own stuff, it's funny, makes me laugh, but the number one reason I don't like using them is that I am NOT smarter then the stupid machine (or at least thats what the voice in m head, that sounds an awful lot like my brother tells me)  Because most of the time I do something to have the clerk have to come over and help me.

This morning was no different.  I ring up my water and place it in my bag.  The machine tells me I placed something in my bag and to remove it, So I remove my water, then it tells me to put it back in my bag, so I do, then it tells me to remove it... This goes on for awhile as I'm looking around for an employee, ANY employee, but nope, not a  single one around.  I could have stuck all my water in my bag and left and then MAYBE I would have found an employee (just not the one I was looking for).  Of course I did find someone eventually and got my water.

Just another reason for me to not check myself out, I don't work at Nob Hill!!!!

At Least I'm Not Homeless

"At least I'm not homeless" was something I use to say during the 13 years I was married to my abusive ex-husband.  I said it ALOT actually, until one day I finally said "being homeless has to be better then this!"

I lived at a homeless shelter for 7 months, there were days I slept in my car because there weren't enough beds for everyone and the shelter ran on a lottery system.  There were days I went hungry and days all I ate was mayonnaise and mustard sandwiches.

Every step I've made since that time has been an improvement, every decision I've made has been to better myself, my children's lives, to grow and be thankful.

I didn't receive my bonus this year, and at first I was devastated.  That has always been the money I used to make Christmas happen.  When you live paycheck to paycheck you don't have the funds or the means to save for things like Christmas.

Then I saw on Facebook this morning, that 33 homeless people in Santa Clara County died in 2014 and I said "At least I'm not Homeless".  I may not have the money to have very many gifts under the tree, but at least we have a tree and "At least I'm not Homeless".  We may not be able to have our traditional Prime Rib Christmas dinner but I can promise you, we wont be eating mayonnaise and mustard sandwiches and...... wait for it...... "At least I'm not Homeless".

So many times we look at what we don't have, wont have, can't have.  I want to focus on what I do have, a wonderful Man in my life that does everything he can for his family, 3 wonderful children that deserve the world and yet are happy with just spending time together for the holidays. 2 more children who are, well not children anymore, grown all up one going to college and the other married and living pretty darn close to where the Bone Monsters come from!!!  I have my brother and his family, my in-laws who are all great people.  I have people to love and people who love me.

2015 will be a great year and looking forward to what it brings!!!!

Who is Raistlin?

Since Raistlin got all bent out of shape yesterday about me not talking about his Blankie addiction, I am making this post all about him!!!

So who is Raistlin?  to simply put it, he is a son, step-son, brother, friend, boyfriend, nephew, and he is a pretty pretty princess!! (when Stevi was a baby I would ask her "who's my pretty princess?" and Raistlin would answer, "I am!")

Raistlin is a thumb sucking, blanket toting, game playing, internet chatting, book reading, my little pony watching, dubstep listening, purple loving, brother teasing, sister spoiling, Morgan snuggling, feline adoring, bike partying, monster drinking, bead making, lack of sleep getting wonderful young man.

Raistlin has the purest belief in gender equality, he is sensitive, caring, giving, loving, stubborn, has a hard time negotiating, and doesn't really know what time is an appropriate time to go to bed.

Raistlin is kind, he has sat at a park for 5 hours to make sure his little sister got the best spot for her birthday 2 years in a row!

If you are lucky enough to know Raistlin, you would agree with me, that even though he was a bit jealous I wrote a post about his sister's blanket habits and failed to comment on his, he does deserve to have a whole post pinpointing some of his best qualities!!!

Hunter, Brian, Raistlin, Stevi (and Doug way in the back)

How old is "Too Old" to have a blankie?

The christmas before my 5th birthday my parents told me I had to give Santa Claus my blankie in exchange for a "special" gift.  I can't remember what that special gift was, but I can remember being sad for a long time after Christmas.

A security blanket is something that makes a child feel safe, comfortable, and secure.

So how old is too old to have a blankie?  This is something I found myself asking this just this last week.

Stevi is 4 now, and her blankie is something she has had since she was born.  When Stevi turned 2, the rule was no more blankie at daycare. When she turned 3, the rule was no more blankie outside of the house (not including sleep overs).  When she turned 4, the rule was blankie has to stay in her bedroom, unless she in her pj's ready for bed.

I'm not the kind of parent the set rules based on age, I hated that as a child, and it was hard when one foster home had a set of age related rules and then you go to another foster home with a different set age related rules.  I try to base my rules on my childs maturity level and what I think she can or can't handle.

Recently a little mishap happened and Blankie ended up in San Diego, Blankie is currently on his way home, thanks to a very understanding sister-in-law and wonderful aunt.  It was a good test to see where my daughter was at with letting go.  To put it simply, she's not ready, and I'm ok with that!!

Bah Humbug!

Growing up, I use to love Christmas.  I remember being 5 and my mom filling every inch of our home with Decorations, she baked every day, it was truly a magical time of the year.  As I grew up my family got smaller and smaller, so Christmas isn't about family as much as it should be.

Every year I seem to hate Christmas more then the last...  I struggle to try and make Christmas what it should be and yet balancing what the children expect from the holiday, and try to give off that "magical feeling vibe" I had as a young child, but it's a huge task and a cumbersome burden.  This year alone I have already had 2 break downs that I wont be able to pull off a decent christmas and it's not even Thanksgiving yet!!

Every year Christmas is just fine, but the stress it induces is sickening!!

Last night at Target, Stevi ran off to the Christmas area because she loves listening to the christmas music.  I mumbled under my breath "I hate Christmas" and a near by employee busted out in laughter and said to me, "You and me both"!!

I am truly Thankful that Christmas only comes once a year!!!!!!

You're fighting about WHAT?!?!?!

My 2 youngest children are 8 year apart in age.  They totally love each other.  Stevi counts the days when Hunter is at his dads, and Hunter will play tea party and Barbies with Stevi.

Being so far in age you would think that they wouldn't have anything to fight about, but you would be wrong.

As Stevi is getting older and trying to be more independent, they seem to be fighting even more.  The sad thing is the things they are fighting about ARE STUPID!!!!

Let's see... 2 weeks ago they got into a huge yelling match about whether or not Stevi knew all the words to "I see the Light" from the Tangled Soundtrack.   The other day Hunter told Stevi that rocks don't bleed and Stevi told Hunter he is a bad brother.  Taking Hunter to school one morning They fought over how much touching was allowed to take place regarding Hunter's razor scooter, and just Tuesday morning Stevi screamed at Hunter for trying to hold her hand as they crossed the parking lot, she yelled "I'm all grown up now and I don't need to hold your yucky hand!!"  and Hunter replied "My hand isn't yucky, maybe it's your hand that's yucky... ever think of that?"

I have been considering making them a "get along" shirt!!!  either that or sell them to the Gypsies!!

I am someone beautiful to my daughter.

I want nothing more then my daughter to grow up healthy, both physically and mentally.  I want my daughter to have a positive body image about her self, I want her to love herself, and I know that comes from what she sees and hears around her.

Problem is I have huge issues with my body, and I'm the last person I like.  Hypocrite? Maybe, or maybe I just want more for my daughter then what I have.  It's a hard life not liking who is looking back at you in the mirror , it's stressful clothes shopping and upsetting when you leave a store with nothing more then wet tissues from crying in the dressing rooms.

So here I stand needing to teach my daughter about self love and acceptance when I have none for myself.

I don't work on Fridays, and have found that they are the BEST days to run errands because the stores aren't packed with people.  Being in need for a dress for an up coming celebration, I hit a few clothing stores.  Stevi and I were in a nice big dressing room while I tried on dress after dress, trying not to make faces at myself or make that "OH MY GOD" noise.

As I would stared at myself in the mirror, Stevi would add her comments... "Wow, that dress makes you looking so Beautiful" "That color is pretty on you mama" "WOW that is so fancy, buy that one".

I left with a dress and a tear in my eye, not because I hated who I saw in the mirror, but because I am someone beautiful to my daughter.