I love love love it!!!

Last night Doug said "I'm shocked you haven't written a post about it yet"  So, in honor of Doug's comment, here it is!!! (Smart Ass!!)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my kitchenaid mixer!!!

Before I had one, I would watch cooking shows and wish I had one.  Now that I have one, I use it for everything!!  I even have a meat grinder attachment!!  I am hoping to buy an ice cream attachment and a juicer attachment... Someday.

I wipe it down after every use, so it stays looking brand new and spotless.  Doug wont touch it cuz he doesn't want to be responsible for any possible damage, scratch, or foul word said or done to my mixer!

It doesn't talk back, it doesn't refuse to go to bed, it doesn't put dirty dishes away, it doesn't stay up on the internet all night.  It doesn't leave it's stinky socks in the the living room.

I Love my Mixer!!!

And she makes 4

My Sister in-law just had her 3rd beautiful baby boy.  She recently posted in her blog her feelings about this... It's a great blog and a lovely post - http://www.kristinskronicles.com/2014/09/baby-is-here.html Check it out, it's a good read!

So many times I hold so much inside because I'm afraid it will make me look like a bad mother, an immature woman, or just plain insane!  I Think Kristin is brave and strong for just saying it like it is!

I had my first son at 19, 5 years later I had my second son, and 5 years after that I had my third son.  I wanted a little girl so badly, but I would never admit to that.  Don't get me wrong I love Hunter as much as I love his brothers, wouldn't trade him in for anything, but I was hoping for a daughter.  almost 5 years later I had a terrible miscarriage and had my tubes tied.  I was completely happy with my boys, I didn't feel the need to "try again."

During the lowest time of my life, I met and fell in love with a wonder person, my best friend, and the most amazing man.  Months later I started to have the most painful cramps, I thought I was dying or had some awful form of cancer (I can be a bit of a drama queen when I'm sick).  I saw the Doctor at the free clinic ran by the homeless shelter I was living at, and was told it was nothing more then my PCOS acting up and I should go to Planned Parenthood for BC pills to help for a month or so.   Planned Parent ran a routine Pregnancy test and told me I was pregnant.  After about 15 minutes of me arguing with the nurse that that wasn't possible, she did an ultra sound and I was indeed pregnant.

I haven't shared this with anyone but Doug, but I was ANGRY and scared, but mostly very very ANGRY.  I was too old and too poor to be having another child.  I had my tubes tied for a reason, I was pissed off I had to now make a choice, after I had already made a choice to not have anymore children.

I had a beautiful healthy baby girl and I have always wanted her, it was just not the pregnancy I wanted.

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? 

That which we call a rose 

by any other name would smell as sweet."

                                             -Willam Shakespare

Among all my issues, one of my biggest is social anxiety.  It's not just around large groups of people or strangers, although those are huge triggers for me and I stress about events like those for weeks before hand.  No, I also have social anxiety around family and friends in smaller groups as well.  My biggest fear is being embarrassed, sometimes just ordering food can set off my anxieties.

OK, I know you are thinking what does any of this have to do with names?

I freak out when I can't say someones name correctly.  I interviewed 3 daycares before I interviewed the daycare my daughter is at.  Stevi goes to a great daycare that she has been at for 3 years now, but I didn't want to call to set up an interview with the provider because I didn't know how to say her name.  My daughter was at the daycare for 6 months before I even tried to say the providers name.

I have a wonderful sister-in-law whose name I just can't say correctly, no matter how much my brother sounds it out for me.  Of course he has to get in his stupid loud laugh in first, and make me embarrassed for even trying to say it - He's an ass! (I can say that cuz it's true)  Instead I try to find ways to avoid saying her name, like waiting till she is looking at me to talk to her, or sitting close to her so it's obvious I'm talking to her.

Her name is very beautiful, it sounds strong and delicate at the same time.  It fits her perfectly, and I wish I could say it, but I would rather not say it then destroy and mutilate it, I would rather not say it then have my brother laugh at me. (ASS!!)