Corn is better then Peas

Corn is better then Peas.  Most people know this but not everyones seems to truly understands that it is fact not opinion that Corn is better then Peas.

Some people think that if they call their Peas corn then it makes them equal to Corn, but they aren't.

Some people never had Corn, thats why they think Peas are the same thing, not ever close.

Don't you forget it.  Corn is better then Peas!!!

I've never been stung by a bee!!

I've never been stung by a bee
I've never bought a new car off the lot
I've never been to jail
I've never toured Alcatraz
I've never caught a fish
I've never made strawberry jam
I've never been to a costume party
I've never been invited to a New Year Eve Party
I've never broken a bone
I've never learned to french braid
I've never been in a physical fight with someone I wasn't related to
I've never been to my mother's grave
I've never skinny dipped
I've never fired a gun
I've never changed a flat tire
I've never enjoyed running
I've never been surfing
I've never been sky diving
I've never wanted to go sky diving
I've never found buried treasure

Itty Bitty Teenie Weenie Tiny Toys

Once Stevi turned about 4, the toys she started asking for got smaller and smaller.  She started with a small collection of Lalaloopies, one doll will fit in the palm of your hand.

Then she wanted some littlest pet shop animals, not only are they small but their heads come off (sorta creepy!!)  Then there are tiny little My Little Ponies and tiny Care Bears.  So when we were at Target today looking for a reward for her next Good Girl Chart, I figured we would stick to what she already has a collection of, but she really REALY wanted a new collection, they are called shopkins, the smallest of all the things she has asked for.

None of my boys had teeny tiny toys, shoot I didn't have teenie tiny toys when I was young.  I wonder when the itty bitty teenie weenie tiny toy fad started, and why as parents are we buying these small toys.

The little peasant girl.

Long long ago, lived a little peasant girl.  The little girl lost her parents and was taken in by one of the village families.  The family wasn't that nice to the little girl, since she was the oldest she was often forced to watch the families little children, feed them and clean up after them.  Many times the Master of the house would call the little girl terrible names like "You wrenched little ogre" or say mean things to her like "Your descendants are dirty ugly trolls and you will never be anything more then a slave girl".  Anytime the family's children did wrong the girl would be blamed and punished.  The little girl hated living with the family, but was thankful she wasn't sleeping in the muddy stables out back, this was something the family's grandmama reminded her of almost daily.

The little girl often cried and prayed for the death shadow to come and take her away, the way he did with her mother, but he never did come.

One day, the little girl was outside cleaning the muddy stables, praying her prayer to the death shadow, when she saw something twinkling in the corner.  She dropped her broom and went towards the sparkling small lights, as she got closer she saw it was a pixie stuck in the mud.  The little girl felt sorry for the pixie, no one should be stuck in this horrible place she thought, and carefully freed the pixie.  The pixie spun around in happy little circles and danced around the little girl.  "Thank you thank you" whispered the pixie.  "I am magical and can share some magic with you" the pixie said to the little girl. "A NEW FAMILY" the little girl exciting told the pixie, "It's what I want the most" whisper the little girl.  The pixie frowned, and replied "I can not do such big magic, I am just a little creature with little magic", and then the pixie had an idea "I can make your family bigger!"... "NOOOOOO" cried the girl, "Please no, I can't take more mean people in this family, I just can't", but it was too late the pixie had waved her little hands and poofed - disappeared.

Sure enough the little girls family had grown, she now had an Aunt, and Uncle and some cousins.  These family members were nothing like the the Master, Lady, or Grandmama... They were kind, nice, and caring.

Even though the little girl still had to endure many years of abuse from the family, she had a safe place to go, and be happy at, people who loved her and made her feel like she was somebody.

--Last night my Aunt Ellen died, she was a special lady and I loved/love her.  Even though I hadn't seen her in years, she held/holds a very special place in my heart, she made my life a little better and she she made me a little better, to her I wasn't her foster niece, I was just her niece.

Welfare is for the Drug Addicted Lazy People Who Keep Having Babies To Get More Money!

This is what you might believe if you spent a few months believing posts from friends and family on Facebook.

Posts saying that since I have to drug test to have a job, then welfare recipients should have to drug test.  Even though the states that do this or did this and stopped found that the amount of money they saved on denying those 2% of people who failed a drug test didn't even come close to the amount of money it cost testing every applicant.

Posts saying that "It's wrong to tax a working person almost to the breaking point then give it to a person who is able to work but refuses to.  But studies show that more then 60% of those on welfare do work, even if not full time.  The Californian average for a family of 4 receives $1025 a month (thats cash and food stamps) They are hardly living high on the hog.  Meanwhile the taxes paid by Americans are relatively low both compared to our own history and most of the developed world, and only a small proportion of those taxes go to welfare.

I have collected welfare.  In California you can only collect for 5 years in your life time, They require you to participate in job training and help you get out there to find a job, and if you don't, they cut you off.  Whatever your family size is after the first year of collecting welfare is your set family sized for the remainder of the time you are on welfare, so if you have 4 more kids in the next 4 years, you do not get more money or more food stamps.

It's easy to judge those things that seem unfair...

"Why do they get free money when I work my ass off"
"Wow he has an iphone and he is paying for his food with EBT"
"They probably spend all their money on cigarettes and Beer"

But until you actually have to walk in their shoes, have to spend hours and days applying for welfare, after you waited for months to get approved, and feeling the joy of being able to actually buy some groceries at a grocery store instead of just taking what has been handed to you at the food bank, until you know what it is truly like to fear losing your job because your state funded daycare has ran out and you can't afford both rent and childcare.  Until you lay awake at night crying because your aren't sure you can keep playing "bill paying roulette" and stay afloat.  Until you have to tell your child you can't afford to send them the Science camp with all their friends because you can't afford it... After all that I still don't think you should judge...but if you do after all that at least you aren't doing it blindly.

Rather then pointing the finger and saying "Not fair, Not fair" like a four year old, maybe we should be thankful that you don't need to be on welfare.

Magic Beans

Who hasn't hear the story of jack and the Bean Stalk?  Well I found myself in his shoes today!!

Jack had to take the family cow to the market to sell.  I had to go to the Chinese Restaurant for lunch. ( I know the similarities are crazy!!)

Well when I was waiting for my lunch I took a small walk around, and thats when I saw the 8 beautiful kittens for adoption, and for only $80...but my car needs breaks and thats going to cost $80.  The kittens looked cute and cuddly...Breaks aren't cute or cuddly!

I was stronger then Jack, I didn't cave in and get the magic beans...  My apartment doesn't allow magic beans, I don't think it's ok to lie about needing magic beans for therapeutic reasons just to be able to have beans in apartments.  Yes we could afford a magic bean right now, food and bean insurance, and my daughter really wants a magic bean.

Someday we will be able to have a kitten, but this week we will have breaks!!

Until There Was No Tomorrow.

Have you ever put something off because you can do it tomorrow?  Who hasn't, I mean life can be over whelming and swallow you whole, leaving you with no choice but to put something off for tomorrow, next week, next month, even next year!

Many times, I post things on my blog to help release the feelings I may be having, or to help people understand just how screwed up my thinking is.  This time, this post, I want to express some of my demons without disrespecting the memory of a good man who had an amazing gift.

Recently a very good friend, best friend, of my brother's past away.  This friend wasn't just a best friend, in some ways I believe he helped my brother through some of the hardest times in his life, and even though my brother still had many more hard times to come and go through before he became the man he is today, I credit some of his sanity (what little sanity my brother has) to this friend.

On top of being a good friend to my brother, he was an AMAZING artist.  He and I had many conversations about his art.  He had a gift and over the years we would make plans to do different projects.  Our first idea was to do a "child's" nursery book, it was going to use all the old mother goose nursery rhythms, and he was going to do the illustrations, but in his way, in his style.  Another time he offered to come and do a mural on my son's wall, we didn't own the home so that never happened.  Over the last 23 years we had made plans and they all fizzled out, I blame myself for that, maybe if I followed through more, one of our ideas would have happened, maybe.

About a year ago, I contacted him and told him of a painting he had done that I very much wanted.  Since I have always wanted to own a piece of his art, he promised me the work of art.  We made plans to meet so I could get the painting, but they fell through, over the next 12 months we must have made 5-7 appointments to get together, each time he or I would cancel or reschedule.  No biggy, there was always tomorrow, until there was no tomorrow.

I am now unable to get this painting, and the feelings I have about that is a jumbled mess.

It is really upsetting me that I am upset about not getting the painting.  I feel like I'm selfish and disrespectful toward him and his death for even wanting the painting.  I am so angry at myself for not putting more effect into getting the painting when I had the chance, and I'm angry at myself for being angry.

Before his death it was all about wanting a piece of his art, but now it's about wanting a piece of who he was, a piece of what he meant to me.  I will miss him always.

I LOVE Shoes!!!!

Have you ever loved something and forgotten how much you love something??

I love shoes, I know that I love shoes, I just forgot just how much I love shoes, until today.

I rarely spend money on myself, and when I do it's normally for things I need.  I have a few pairs of shoes, they were bought at a second hand store and they are ok.  They look ok, the feel ok, they do their job covering my feet.

Then there are the shoes I'm wearing today.  I bought these back in October for a special occasion.  I also bought 2 dresses to wear with them, one for the special occasion and one for work.  I've been putting off wearing the work dress because of insecurities, but today went ahead and wore it anyways.  The shoes look pretty, they feel pretty, and they make me feel better about myself.

I can't wait to buy another pair of pretty shoes!!!!

Rude Joggers

I've recently started getting up at 6am to walk 1.5 miles before starting my day.  Even though it's hard dragging my butt out of bed every morning, giving up that extra hour of sleep, I rather enjoy the cool air and alone time to collect my thoughts.

I walk on a trail that is paved, it's a walking/bike trail and each lane is big enough for 2 bikers to ride side by side or 3 joggers side by side.  At 6am you mostly only see a few joggers here and there, another reason I enjoy the mornings, because the trail is pretty empty.

When ever I hear some one behind me I more over as far to the right as I can, I normally walk as far right as I can, but sometimes as my mind drifts so does my walking.  Bikers almost always pass in the left lane and so do joggers.

This morning I was almost ran down 2 of the rudest joggers ever!  I was more then half way done with my walk, still on the trail when I heard a jogger behind me.  I was already as far right as I could go when this gentleman jogged so close to me bumped my shoulder with his arm, he didn't say sorry or excuse me, he just kept jogging.  I was shocked, I've walked this trail so many times and this has never happened.  I made a frowny face and kept walking.  As I finished my walk, leaving the trail heading home, I was on a narrow sidewalk and I heard a jogger behind me, I move the the left because moving to the right put me on the road facing on coming traffic.  I stepped off of the sidewalk onto the dirt shoulder giving the jogger all of the sidewalk (a sidewalk that 2 people can walk side by side on) and this jogger, a different jogger then before bumps me and keeps jogging.

I know when I got up this morning there wasn't a "bump me" sign on my back.  I guess I will have to place a "DONT bump" me sign on my back tomorrow!!

The present App!

I have a great idea for an App.  I know NOTHING about making an App, but this is really a great idea.

Yesterday was my birthday, and I got some people asking me "what do you want" and of course the polite thing to say is "don't get me anything" but that just makes the person wanting to get you something all frustrated!

My App idea is this, it's like a calendar, and through out the year you add things in about the person you want to buy a gift for, when the person makes comments like "I hate the color orange" you add it into the app, or "I can't get enough Starbucks coffee" you add it into the App.

You would be able to add things in about the person too, like Enjoys baking, loves reading, hates it when I kick her in the shin.

Then when it's time to buy the person a gift, you hit the button and it gives you gift ideas.

If only I knew how to make this happen!!

Death Options

I am not very thrilled about my death options!!

What I mean by that is, after I die there aren't any options I'm all that excited about.

I DONT want to be put in a box, this I am sure about!!  I don't want to be in the ground, or a wall, or a crypt.

I do want to donate every last usable part of me that is donate-able, that would make me happy.

I guess I have to pick cremation because there aren't enough choices out there.

If I were to invent the perfect death option it would be this...

A Death Hotel

The rooms would be small, no bathroom would be needed, because you don't have to get up in the middle of your death to pee (at least I hope you don't... That would suck!).  The beds would be super comfortable, because after all, it's for your final rest, and you would have all the pillows and blankets to yourself, no one to steal your pillows and no one to be all mad at you because you might have accidentally touched the corner of their pillow for a nano second!  extra things could be added if you need them to be, like a stuffed animal or a box fan.

Sounds stupid, but that is my perfect death option...

I Prayed To the Devil Once......

ok ok ok clam down, it's not what you think...

As I told you before I grew up going to a non denominational christian church, and yes I enjoyed it, while I was young and didn't see all the politics surrounding a church, even a smallish church like the one I attended.

I was 13, my birthday had just past a few weeks before and my new foster family forgot or ignored my 13th birthday, something I got use to over the years to come.

I was hurt, felt lost, and just wanted to be "normal".  Like every other kid.  I wanted my own family with parents who would remember my birthdays, treat me with the same respect as my sibling, with a extended family that didn't look down on me or treat me like a charity case.

I was outside shucking corn when I had the "brilliant" idea to ask SATAN to "be nice".  Yes I had an hour talk with the devil trying to convince him to change his ways...

See, I figured if he wasn't running amuck and making evil then the world would be perfect and I could be happy.

It's funny the things children will do to try to be happy, and it's sad the day that same child comes to terms with the fact they will always feel unwanted and unloved.

I Don't Work At Nob Hill?!

I was ready super early this morning and decided since I had some extra time to stop at Nob Hill and pick myself up some of my favorite bottled water (MetroMint).

Normally I don't like to go through the "Check Yourself Out" at the super markets, but in the morning and at Nob Hill, it's almost the only way to get out right away.

I've heard several comedians go on about how they don't work at the grocery store so why should they bag their own stuff, it's funny, makes me laugh, but the number one reason I don't like using them is that I am NOT smarter then the stupid machine (or at least thats what the voice in m head, that sounds an awful lot like my brother tells me)  Because most of the time I do something to have the clerk have to come over and help me.

This morning was no different.  I ring up my water and place it in my bag.  The machine tells me I placed something in my bag and to remove it, So I remove my water, then it tells me to put it back in my bag, so I do, then it tells me to remove it... This goes on for awhile as I'm looking around for an employee, ANY employee, but nope, not a  single one around.  I could have stuck all my water in my bag and left and then MAYBE I would have found an employee (just not the one I was looking for).  Of course I did find someone eventually and got my water.

Just another reason for me to not check myself out, I don't work at Nob Hill!!!!