Death Options

I am not very thrilled about my death options!!

What I mean by that is, after I die there aren't any options I'm all that excited about.

I DONT want to be put in a box, this I am sure about!!  I don't want to be in the ground, or a wall, or a crypt.

I do want to donate every last usable part of me that is donate-able, that would make me happy.

I guess I have to pick cremation because there aren't enough choices out there.

If I were to invent the perfect death option it would be this...

A Death Hotel

The rooms would be small, no bathroom would be needed, because you don't have to get up in the middle of your death to pee (at least I hope you don't... That would suck!).  The beds would be super comfortable, because after all, it's for your final rest, and you would have all the pillows and blankets to yourself, no one to steal your pillows and no one to be all mad at you because you might have accidentally touched the corner of their pillow for a nano second!  extra things could be added if you need them to be, like a stuffed animal or a box fan.

Sounds stupid, but that is my perfect death option...

I Prayed To the Devil Once......

ok ok ok clam down, it's not what you think...

As I told you before I grew up going to a non denominational christian church, and yes I enjoyed it, while I was young and didn't see all the politics surrounding a church, even a smallish church like the one I attended.

I was 13, my birthday had just past a few weeks before and my new foster family forgot or ignored my 13th birthday, something I got use to over the years to come.

I was hurt, felt lost, and just wanted to be "normal".  Like every other kid.  I wanted my own family with parents who would remember my birthdays, treat me with the same respect as my sibling, with a extended family that didn't look down on me or treat me like a charity case.

I was outside shucking corn when I had the "brilliant" idea to ask SATAN to "be nice".  Yes I had an hour talk with the devil trying to convince him to change his ways...

See, I figured if he wasn't running amuck and making evil then the world would be perfect and I could be happy.

It's funny the things children will do to try to be happy, and it's sad the day that same child comes to terms with the fact they will always feel unwanted and unloved.

I Don't Work At Nob Hill?!

I was ready super early this morning and decided since I had some extra time to stop at Nob Hill and pick myself up some of my favorite bottled water (MetroMint).

Normally I don't like to go through the "Check Yourself Out" at the super markets, but in the morning and at Nob Hill, it's almost the only way to get out right away.

I've heard several comedians go on about how they don't work at the grocery store so why should they bag their own stuff, it's funny, makes me laugh, but the number one reason I don't like using them is that I am NOT smarter then the stupid machine (or at least thats what the voice in m head, that sounds an awful lot like my brother tells me)  Because most of the time I do something to have the clerk have to come over and help me.

This morning was no different.  I ring up my water and place it in my bag.  The machine tells me I placed something in my bag and to remove it, So I remove my water, then it tells me to put it back in my bag, so I do, then it tells me to remove it... This goes on for awhile as I'm looking around for an employee, ANY employee, but nope, not a  single one around.  I could have stuck all my water in my bag and left and then MAYBE I would have found an employee (just not the one I was looking for).  Of course I did find someone eventually and got my water.

Just another reason for me to not check myself out, I don't work at Nob Hill!!!!

At Least I'm Not Homeless

"At least I'm not homeless" was something I use to say during the 13 years I was married to my abusive ex-husband.  I said it ALOT actually, until one day I finally said "being homeless has to be better then this!"

I lived at a homeless shelter for 7 months, there were days I slept in my car because there weren't enough beds for everyone and the shelter ran on a lottery system.  There were days I went hungry and days all I ate was mayonnaise and mustard sandwiches.

Every step I've made since that time has been an improvement, every decision I've made has been to better myself, my children's lives, to grow and be thankful.

I didn't receive my bonus this year, and at first I was devastated.  That has always been the money I used to make Christmas happen.  When you live paycheck to paycheck you don't have the funds or the means to save for things like Christmas.

Then I saw on Facebook this morning, that 33 homeless people in Santa Clara County died in 2014 and I said "At least I'm not Homeless".  I may not have the money to have very many gifts under the tree, but at least we have a tree and "At least I'm not Homeless".  We may not be able to have our traditional Prime Rib Christmas dinner but I can promise you, we wont be eating mayonnaise and mustard sandwiches and...... wait for it...... "At least I'm not Homeless".

So many times we look at what we don't have, wont have, can't have.  I want to focus on what I do have, a wonderful Man in my life that does everything he can for his family, 3 wonderful children that deserve the world and yet are happy with just spending time together for the holidays. 2 more children who are, well not children anymore, grown all up one going to college and the other married and living pretty darn close to where the Bone Monsters come from!!!  I have my brother and his family, my in-laws who are all great people.  I have people to love and people who love me.

2015 will be a great year and looking forward to what it brings!!!!

Who is Raistlin?

Since Raistlin got all bent out of shape yesterday about me not talking about his Blankie addiction, I am making this post all about him!!!

So who is Raistlin?  to simply put it, he is a son, step-son, brother, friend, boyfriend, nephew, and he is a pretty pretty princess!! (when Stevi was a baby I would ask her "who's my pretty princess?" and Raistlin would answer, "I am!")

Raistlin is a thumb sucking, blanket toting, game playing, internet chatting, book reading, my little pony watching, dubstep listening, purple loving, brother teasing, sister spoiling, Morgan snuggling, feline adoring, bike partying, monster drinking, bead making, lack of sleep getting wonderful young man.

Raistlin has the purest belief in gender equality, he is sensitive, caring, giving, loving, stubborn, has a hard time negotiating, and doesn't really know what time is an appropriate time to go to bed.

Raistlin is kind, he has sat at a park for 5 hours to make sure his little sister got the best spot for her birthday 2 years in a row!

If you are lucky enough to know Raistlin, you would agree with me, that even though he was a bit jealous I wrote a post about his sister's blanket habits and failed to comment on his, he does deserve to have a whole post pinpointing some of his best qualities!!!

Hunter, Brian, Raistlin, Stevi (and Doug way in the back)

How old is "Too Old" to have a blankie?

The christmas before my 5th birthday my parents told me I had to give Santa Claus my blankie in exchange for a "special" gift.  I can't remember what that special gift was, but I can remember being sad for a long time after Christmas.

A security blanket is something that makes a child feel safe, comfortable, and secure.

So how old is too old to have a blankie?  This is something I found myself asking this just this last week.

Stevi is 4 now, and her blankie is something she has had since she was born.  When Stevi turned 2, the rule was no more blankie at daycare. When she turned 3, the rule was no more blankie outside of the house (not including sleep overs).  When she turned 4, the rule was blankie has to stay in her bedroom, unless she in her pj's ready for bed.

I'm not the kind of parent the set rules based on age, I hated that as a child, and it was hard when one foster home had a set of age related rules and then you go to another foster home with a different set age related rules.  I try to base my rules on my childs maturity level and what I think she can or can't handle.

Recently a little mishap happened and Blankie ended up in San Diego, Blankie is currently on his way home, thanks to a very understanding sister-in-law and wonderful aunt.  It was a good test to see where my daughter was at with letting go.  To put it simply, she's not ready, and I'm ok with that!!

Bah Humbug!

Growing up, I use to love Christmas.  I remember being 5 and my mom filling every inch of our home with Decorations, she baked every day, it was truly a magical time of the year.  As I grew up my family got smaller and smaller, so Christmas isn't about family as much as it should be.

Every year I seem to hate Christmas more then the last...  I struggle to try and make Christmas what it should be and yet balancing what the children expect from the holiday, and try to give off that "magical feeling vibe" I had as a young child, but it's a huge task and a cumbersome burden.  This year alone I have already had 2 break downs that I wont be able to pull off a decent christmas and it's not even Thanksgiving yet!!

Every year Christmas is just fine, but the stress it induces is sickening!!

Last night at Target, Stevi ran off to the Christmas area because she loves listening to the christmas music.  I mumbled under my breath "I hate Christmas" and a near by employee busted out in laughter and said to me, "You and me both"!!

I am truly Thankful that Christmas only comes once a year!!!!!!