What's in a name?

"What's in a name? 

That which we call a rose 

by any other name would smell as sweet."

                                             -Willam Shakespare

Among all my issues, one of my biggest is social anxiety.  It's not just around large groups of people or strangers, although those are huge triggers for me and I stress about events like those for weeks before hand.  No, I also have social anxiety around family and friends in smaller groups as well.  My biggest fear is being embarrassed, sometimes just ordering food can set off my anxieties.

OK, I know you are thinking what does any of this have to do with names?

I freak out when I can't say someones name correctly.  I interviewed 3 daycares before I interviewed the daycare my daughter is at.  Stevi goes to a great daycare that she has been at for 3 years now, but I didn't want to call to set up an interview with the provider because I didn't know how to say her name.  My daughter was at the daycare for 6 months before I even tried to say the providers name.

I have a wonderful sister-in-law whose name I just can't say correctly, no matter how much my brother sounds it out for me.  Of course he has to get in his stupid loud laugh in first, and make me embarrassed for even trying to say it - He's an ass! (I can say that cuz it's true)  Instead I try to find ways to avoid saying her name, like waiting till she is looking at me to talk to her, or sitting close to her so it's obvious I'm talking to her.

Her name is very beautiful, it sounds strong and delicate at the same time.  It fits her perfectly, and I wish I could say it, but I would rather not say it then destroy and mutilate it, I would rather not say it then have my brother laugh at me. (ASS!!)

Those Monsters need to start paying rent.

My daughter is not a big fan of going to bed and going to sleep.

She has had some pretty creative excuses to come out and drag going to bed out, but lately it's all about the monster and their shenanigans.

Last night she told me that 4 monsters lived in her closet, 2 under her bad, and baby monster in her lamp.  I used Monster spray to protect her from the monsters, but she still came out of her room 2 more times.

The first time she told me the monsters in her closet were singing to loudly and she couldn't sleep.

The second time she told me the baby monster was hungry...

Needless to say, if these monsters want to stay living here they better start paying rent!!!

Give up? Never!!

Some people just give up, others never give up yet they keep going in the same direction, and yet other stand back and say "How many times do you have to run into that wall before you realize there is no door there?"

I say "Time to get a damn chainsaw and make my own fricken door!!!"

Good Old Fashion Morning Loathing

Why did I do it?  Why did I think it would be a good idea to step up on my bathroom scale and weigh myself this morning?  Did I feel I needed just another reason to verbally beat myself up, as if I didn't already have enough reasons to do this???

Do you know I love, love, love wearing make-up, I really do, but I wont do it now because I feel it's completely pointless, this is awful but when ever I look over at my make-up sitting on my bathroom sink, I say to myself, "it's like putting lipstick on a pig... it's still a pig"

Why do I have to hate myself so much?  I try so hard to make myself, likable, nice, fun to be around, helpful, happy (at least on the outside) because I think if I don't have enough pleasant qualities no ones would ever want to be around me, because how I see myself is discussing, ugly, negative, depressing, and when I feel lonely, which I do very often I blame myself.

Why do I allow my bathroom scale measure more then my gravitational pull on the earth?  I allow it to measure my beauty, my character, and my self worth.  I wish I didn't, but I do.

My Daughter, The Lying Genius!

A resent study shows that toddlers who master the art of fibbing actually have a fast developing brain and will probably be successful in adulthood.  Lying, which requires the brain to manipulate information, is associated with brain regions that permit higher-order thinking.

This is GOOD to know!!!

Stevi is a very girly 3.5 year old.  She just LOVES to get her nails painted, So Saturday I painted her toes and fingers nail in colors of her liking.  Purple toes nails with blue glitter, and blue finger nails with purple glitter.  Stevi has been known to bite the polish off, so I reminder her not to do this because it's not a good thing to do.  On Sunday her father and I noticed she only had 9 pretty blue painted nails and one completely naked nail.  We asked her if she chewed the polish off and she said "No" and then told us this story...

"A bug came into my room in the middle of the night and ate the polish off this finger, it was a bad bug that does this at night time."

We asked where the bug was now...

"The bad bug went home to its home, because it only eats polish at night time."

I was shocked at the quickness she came up with this story and the way she told us as if it was completely true.  I guess she is using her higher-order thinking!!!!

Birthday Party Stress!!!

You would think planning and hosting a birthday party for a 4 year old is easy peasy...  But it's turning out to be very VERY stressful!!

Last year my sister in law was unable to attend because she works on Saturdays, so I planned to have my daughters party on Sunday this year, But then my sister in-law tells me Saturday is better for her.

So I changed the date, and I liked the day better because it'll be Stevi's actual birthday, But then my boss tells me the annual company BBQ is on my daughters birthday.

So I changed the times, and made the party from 10am - 12pm so we can make the BBQ by 4pm, But then Stevi tells me she wants to invite her ballet class, and ballet is on Saturdays from 10:30am - 11:30am.

So I changed the times AGAIN, now the party is from 12pm - 2pm, I'm hoping with a fast clean up we will only be a tiny bit late to the BBQ...

and thats not all...

Today Stevi tells me at Target she misses her Grandma and Grandpa and can't wait till her party to see them...  But I don't think they are coming, I told Stevi she might have to wait till after her party to see them and she started crying saying they have to come to her party...  Stevi's Aunt is having her 3rd child and Grandma and Grandpa want to be there for the baby's birth so I can't exactly plan around that.

I am so glad we are NOT throwing Stevi a 5th Birthday Party!!!!

"Would You Like A Bag?"

This isn't a post about me ranting about how stupid it is that after spending money in a store, I then have to pay to carry my items out of the store in a bag.  It's not about how I think the store should pay that bag charge as a courtesy to their costumers, especially after someone spent $500 in their store, sheesh give the customer a few 10 cent bags!!

What it is about is how the Customer Service Representative / Cashiers are "selling" these bags.  The Target near my home, when that bag fee started, would ask you, "would you like to buy a bag for 10 cent?"  You then made an informed decision on if you really want that bag.  I personally say no, I have bags in the car that I always forget to bring in, so I bag at my car.

But now they no longer tell you of the charge, all they say is "would you like a bag?"  A few months ago I was behind a gentleman who was here from out of state, when he was asked if he wanted a bag he said Yes...  He then turned to me and said, "That's an odd question, she can see I didn't bring in any reusable bags."  I explained to him that she asked him because the bags cost 10 cent each.  He was shocked, he ask the Cashier why she didn't tell him it wasn't free, she just shrugged and said "I thought everyone already knew."

Sunday I went to a Safeway in Fremont, and the lady asked if I wanted a bag, I asked her "do you charged for them?"  she said "yes".  The couple who had just bought a bunch of things before me, and were, for some reason just standing at the end of the isle, looked up and said "You didn't tell us we had to pay for these bags".  Turns out they weren't from around here, and had never heard of being charged for bags.

I feel if the stores aren't going to pay the bag fee for their customers, at least tell them the price so they know if they want to pay for one, two, or six of them!!!