Good Old Fashion Morning Loathing

Why did I do it?  Why did I think it would be a good idea to step up on my bathroom scale and weigh myself this morning?  Did I feel I needed just another reason to verbally beat myself up, as if I didn't already have enough reasons to do this???

Do you know I love, love, love wearing make-up, I really do, but I wont do it now because I feel it's completely pointless, this is awful but when ever I look over at my make-up sitting on my bathroom sink, I say to myself, "it's like putting lipstick on a pig... it's still a pig"

Why do I have to hate myself so much?  I try so hard to make myself, likable, nice, fun to be around, helpful, happy (at least on the outside) because I think if I don't have enough pleasant qualities no ones would ever want to be around me, because how I see myself is discussing, ugly, negative, depressing, and when I feel lonely, which I do very often I blame myself.

Why do I allow my bathroom scale measure more then my gravitational pull on the earth?  I allow it to measure my beauty, my character, and my self worth.  I wish I didn't, but I do.