For over 30 years I've wanted nothing more then a strong loving family. A place to fit in, no matter what I may be going though, no matter what other family members may be going though, No matter what!
But for a long time now I've been that square peg trying to force myself into that round hole. Other then my brother my biological family is a joke. (not the funny ha-ha kind joke, the cruel distasteful kind of joke) My foster family is something I tried for a long time to fit in too, but most of them want nothing to do with me, and those who do act like all the terrible things they did to my brother and I either didn't matter or didn't happen.* One day I just woke up and realized I didn't need this in my life, and stopped trying so hard to be a part of a family that wanted no part of me.
The truth is, when I stopped trying so hard and I just sat back and looked around I realize what I have is enough, it's nice and it's mine. I have a lovely Boyfriend, wonderful children. I have great in-laws, a pain in the ass brother ( The kind of pain in the ass you love) beautiful nephews and a beautiful niece. I am a very lucky person with people who want to be in my life as much as I want to be in theirs!!!
*(side note, there is a small wonderful family that is a part of my foster family that are good people - The Khans, I still consider Ellen and Charles my Aunt and Uncle, and their children my cousins. They were the only ones that treated me like family, that loved me because of me. A few times Aunt Ellen would let me stay at their home when things were just to unbearable to my home. Even though I only see them on facebook now, they were a light in a dark time in my life.)
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